1. You Constantly Lose Time

You swear it was just 9 PM, but now it’s 2 AM and you're knee-deep in conspiracy TikTok. Was it time travel or just another casual probe into your sleep schedule? Either way, someone's messing with your internal clock.

2. You Talk to Your Houseplants (And They Seem to Understand)

Listen, if your Monstera is giving off "I know what you did last summer" vibes, it's possible it's more than just a plant. Fun fact: some believe plants are alien surveillance devices. Coincidence? I think not. Grab your own weird plant merch to blend in with the "normals."

3. Your Cat Stares at Empty Corners (Way Too Often)

Felines are natural detectors of interdimensional visitors. If your cat is regularly staring at "nothing," chances are someone is there. Probably Steve from Zeta Reticuli.

4. You Hate Pants

Aliens don’t wear pants. Need I say more? Your discomfort with leg prisons might be a clue to your true origins. Or maybe it’s just laundry day.

5. You Get Weirdly Emotional Looking at the Moon

Tears? Goosebumps? An unexplainable urge to phone home? The Moon may be triggering celestial nostalgia. Also possibly where the mothership is parked. Protect your Earth identity with this alien abduction tee — or at least confuse your neighbors.

6. You’ve Had Dreams Where You Were "Floating"

Sure, it could be sleep paralysis. OR it could be a memory of being beamed up into a spaceship for routine probing... I mean, check-ups.

7. People Keep Saying "You’re Not Like Everyone Else"

Translation: you’re otherworldly. Embrace it. Lean into it. Start wearing more tinfoil hats. Decorate your bunker in style with alien-themed home décor.

Final Diagnosis:

If you checked off 3 or more, congratulations—you’re probably one of us. Celebrate your (possibly accidental) induction into the intergalactic club with some limited-edition gear from Alien Suit. We don’t probe. We just vibe.